Assertiveness is an essential skill for effective leadership; yet this skill is often misunderstood. What is the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness? When you act assertively, you express beliefs, recommendations, and/or feelings clearly and appropriately. But what does that mean?
For example, if you have a dental team member who is not performing well, you would act assertively by clearly explaining to that person what needs improvement. You outline the facts of the situation and what you need from the team member. The other part of assertiveness is about how you deliver the message, and this is where assertiveness really differs from aggressiveness.
Effective assertiveness considers the other person’s viewpoint and circumstances. For example, you would not discuss the performance issue in front of other team members or dental patients. After clearly explaining your concerns about performance, you would then ask the team member to comment, and you may modify your recommendations for improvement based on the team member’s input. This is how effective assertiveness often leads to buy-in on recommendations.
Aggressiveness, by contrast, does not consider the other person’s viewpoint or needs, and this type of communication is often belittling and disrespectful. Aggression leaves no room for compromise, and it’s almost always one-sided. Sometimes aggression comes in a knee-jerk reaction while other times the aggression is passive, slowly leaking out in the form of rude comments and acts.
While aggression creates division, effective assertiveness builds bonds and opens up new possibilities. And good news about assertiveness is it’s a skill you can fine-tune. Here is one simple exercise to make you more aware of how you relate to others. Review some recent decisions and consider if you acted aggressively, passively, or assertively. Consider how other people responded to your actions, and also think about how you would like to respond to the same situation in the future.
Assertiveness is just like any skill in that you can improve it with the right amount of attention and effort. And the payoff is you will become even more effective at guiding your team and patients.